The 1997 version of the OWA Achievement Awards
[The scene opens showing clips of the past and present OWA stars in action. The camera shows past footage from in the ring wars and switches to wrestlers talking in the ring, to wrestler's flashes. The scene then switches to the inside of the Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles, California. The camera pans around as a the orchestra plays the theme from the OWA's Primal Rage show. As the camera moves, it shows Traci Lane, Rachel Ryan, Consuelo Salyards, Mariko, Monica Brant, and Gustaffson sharing a table. Gustaffson has the ladies laughing and giggling. The camera keeps moving as it shows Davey Scott sharing a table with a few of his friends and his date sits to the left of him. He looks at the camera for a moment and turns his attention back to the conversation at his table. As the camera keeps moving, we see Danny Bouchard at the bar talking to the bartender. Fantasia walks by, heading to a table with a few of her friends at it. Mr. America and Taleis are sharing a table, laughing and talking. Anthony Hazard and Ricky Hype sit at the same table. Godiva Rage starts to walk back to the Femmes table from the bar, but it swamped by a mob of men. Virgo and Trinity sit at their own table enjoying drinks and having a conversation. Pretty Boy Monty, Stacks Coltrain, and Executioner talk about old times as they stand at the bar waiting on their drinks. Shiva sits at a table with a few of her friends with her sunglasses on. Myers Watterson, Shelly Marks, and Elaine Bryant sit at a table with the Commissioner of the OWA. Ed Bagel and Biff Franklin walk out onto the stage as the music stops. They walk to the podium.]
[Ed]
I’d like to thank everyone for being here tonight as we bring you the first awards show for Western States Championship Wrestling. Tonight we will take a look at those that went out of their way to make themselves known in this past year of the OWA.
[Biff]
Yeah, even though we were on vacation for about six months there towards the end of the year.
[Ed]
Thanks Biff. We’ll have presentations and acceptances and we hope that everyone will be able to unwind a bit before Deck the Halls tomorrow. We have a fun filled night of awards so let’s get this show started.
[Biff]
Our first category is the most improved wrestler and here to present the award for that are Danny Bouchard and Fantasia.
[Danny Bouchard, wearing a stunning black suit and plainly unhappy with his situation, escorts Fantasia, dressed in a casual white dress, to the podium to a chorus of boos.]
[Bouchard]
Ah, shut up…
[Fantasia]
Oh boy, get the censors ready.
[Bouchard]
(irately) Eh, you know, why ain’t this a bilingual broadcast? These people got no respect for those who ain’t a buncha [CENSORED] anglophones?
[The crowd murmurs]
[Fantasia]
Well, Danny, if you had actually went to rehearsal you would have learned that tonight’s telecast is available in both English and Spanish.
[Bouchard]
(even more irate) SPANISH?! Who the [CENSORED] speaks [CENSORED] Spanish?
[Fantasia]
Latinos, duh!
[Bouchard]
Oh, for Chrissakes, stupid local demographic [CENSORED]. You know how many people are watching this in Quebec?
[Fantasia]
I think I speak for all of us when I say, who the [CENSORED] cares?!?!
[Bouchard]
Wha?! Listen, you stupid [CENSORED] left-wing [CENSORED] West Coast water-logged whale-hugging [CENSORED] piece of enviro-loony trash, if it weren?t for Quebec we’d both be [CENSORED] Yankees… uh…
[Danny glances out at the crowd. The crowd is silent, most people in shock, or disgust]
[Bouchard]
…*cough*… and, uh… the nominees are…
[The video wall comes to life as scenes of sneak attacks and jumps are shown quickly before the word "SURPRISE" pops up. The voice over speak as the scenes are shown]
Gustaffson enters the ring during Davey Scott’s Respect Match Freddy Fever turns face.
Jungle Mask turns out to be Monica Brant.
Johnny Stallion turns on Mike Mustang
[Fantasia]
Well can I have the envelope?
[Bouchard]
Bah, go hug a tree.
[Fantasia]
I’ve had just about enough of this verbal abuse. You certainly don’t know how to treat a lady.
[Bouchard]
I don’t see no lady here, just some [CENSORED]–
[Fantasia]
You son of a [CENSORED]!
[With that, Fantasia kicks Danny Bouchard in the groin. The male contingent of the audience winces. As Danny doubles over the lady from Vancouver gives him a knee-lift that sends him crashing to the floor. Several security agents storm the stage and drag Fantasia off kicking and screaming while Danny struggles to his feet. Biff Franklin comes to the microphone.]
[Biff]
Uhh…the winner is..
[He pieces together the torn envelope and reads]
Jungle Mask turns out to be Monica Brant.
[The orchestra plays 'Superbitch' as Monica Brant moves up to the stage and takes the award, looking off the stage a bit nervously before turning back to the audience, smiling again.]
[Monica]
Looks like the fun is starting without me.. It’s surprising that something this good can come out of something this bad. I worked hard with several officials behind the scenes of the then OWA to try and pull this masquerade off, and it looks like I succeeded. Thank you very much for this award, and here’s hoping I can top myself in the coming year. (Monica gets a devilish grin on her face.) After all, I still have some tricks up my sleeve, don’t I Davey?
[Monica heads back to her seat.]
[The scene cuts back to Ed and Biff as they walk back to the podium. Ed looks at Biff with a look as disbelief as Biff looks at a woman in the audience with a look of disbelief.]
[Biff]
I didn’t know those things came in *that* size!
[Ed]
BIFF!!
[Biff]
Huh? Oh…yeah…and it looks like Danny Bouchard and Fantasia are going to get some early practice for their Deck the Halls matches. The audience laughs…
[Ed]
Biff, you weren’t suppose to read that.
[The audience chuckles.]
[Biff]
Oh? Well, I hate TelePrompTers anyhow.
[Ed Bagel groans.]
[Ed]
For our next award, we have Davey Scott to give away most inspirational.
[Davey comes out looking smiling, as he reaches the podium hearing cheers and jeers, Davey only laughs]
[Davey]
In my eyes, and almost everyone else, the most inspirational wrestler isn’t just someone who carries the belt, it is much more. It has to be someone who willing to step into the ring and give it his and her all day or night, 7 days a week. Someone who is willing to go through havoc to bring the views on wrestling to a high standards. Also, an inspirational wrestler, is someone who can reform the standards of wrestler to a higher level, and still can go on. You could be a champion, but that doesn’t mean you are inspirational.. you could be the worst wrestler in the world, but if you put your heart into it, that all that counts. Someone who puts all there heart to the sport is truly defined the most inspirational wrestler. The nominees for Most Inspirational are:
[Video wall lights up and flashes a series of wrestlers on the screen, before stopping at "INSPIRATIONAL". The voice over picks up and begins to list the nominees.]
Freddy Fever
Amazon Woman
Traci Lane
[Davey]
The winner of this years Most Inspirational Wrestler is..
Traci Lane..
(Traci ascends the stairs to the podium, and accepts the award with a broad smile. She turns to the crowd and leans a bit closer to the mic.)
[Traci]
Thank you so much. I’m very pleased that in the course of defining my direction, I’ve come across as someone who might inspire others in a positive way. There is a great deal of disillusionment from the public toward athletes generally these days, what with all their complaining and misbehavior, so I hoped I could provide an example that shows we’re not all overpaid reprobates. I enjoy meeting my fans and providing a role model for girls who wish to broaden their horizons. Really, this award wouldn’t be possible if I didn’t get support for what I do, so I consider it shared with those who stand behind me. Thank you.
[Traci Lane exits the stage and walks backstage. Ed and Biff come out to the podium again.]
[Ed]
Traci Lane looking as lovely as always.
[Biff]
Yeah, but nowhere near as good as Godiva. Speaking of Godiva, it’s going to be Ms. Rage and Shiva giving away our next award of best card.
[Shiva walks out to the podium, clad in her usual black jean and leathers, sunglasses in place as per usual. Signs still show that glancing cut on her forehead with her bout with Fantasia. She takes the envelope out from her jacket and begins to go for the mic.]
[Godiva Rage sweeps up to the awards podium in a fishnet mesh dress with a small bra and a knickers set on underneath. She bounces up next to Shiva, leaning into the microphone before Shiva can even speak.]
[Godiva]
Is Brooklyn in the HOOOOOUUUUUUUUSE!?!?!?!?!
[Godiva breaks down into a fit of giggles. Shiva rolls her eyes.]
[Godiva]
Oooh, I always wanted to do that. Oy, me and me rather conservative partner ‘ere was chosen to present the award for the best card. I still say it was that card I got from a poetic bloke in Manchester … Roses is red, I wear Dockers, here’s twenty pounds can I squeeze your knock… wot you mean it ain’t appropriate for TV? Foyne, I’ll just stand ‘ere and look pretty while Shiva does all the work then, awright?
[Shiva rolls her eyes again.]
[Shiva]
Oi stop that, you’re making my head hurt. [winces]
[Godiva]
Does this ‘elp. AWOOOOOOGAHHHHHH!!!! AWOOOOOOGAHHHHHH!!!! OOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
[Shiva]
Now to all of you out there, if any of you out there make ANY comparisons to the Spice Tarts about us two here, I will PERSONALLY rip yer bollocks off you got that? Just because we’re both from ol’ Brittania doesn’t mean the two of us are no-talented sluts… well one of us at least.
[Godiva]
That’s right. O’ course I don’t know if Shiva’s a talented slut or not. Bloody ‘ell, I don’t swing that way.
[Shiva clears her throat and adjusts her sunglasses a bit. Before continuing, she flashes Godiva a playful grin.]
[Shiva]
Just kidding hon… now that that business is settled, we gotta present this thing. So to the nominees of the best card award:
[Video wall comes to life, as many scenes are flashed through quickly, before settling on the words "CARD". Voice over begins, while clips of each wrestler are shown]
Halloween Horror 96
Halloween Horror 97
Crime Spree 97
Caged Fury 1997
OWA vs. LAW: Behind Enemy Lines
[Video walls comes to a halt with the word "CARD" on it.]
[Shiva]
And the top card of 1997 is Caged Fury 1997. And while I have a captive audience, I have but one message. Fantasy-girl, don’t forget me, cuz I’m gonna be like that Demon God from your namesake and stomp on your mousy rear. Goodnight kids. [walks off, leaving Godiva there.]
[Godiva looks on at the departing Shiva.]
[Godiva]
Crikey, everybody needs to get stuff off their chest, don’t they?
[OWA Commissioner walks up to the stage and smiles.] Caged Fury is a concept that is about 5 years old. In fact, Caged Fury is the name of the very first PPV in the history of this federation. It’s nice to see that something like this can still be popular 5 years later.
[He turns and walks off the stage, as Godiva minces off the stage after him, showing her G-string underwear. Ed and Biff walk back to the podium.]
[Ed]
It looks rather interesting and hold on a second. I’m told we’ve got a feed as to where Danny Bouchard and Fantasia are now!
[We cut to Elaine who is next to a fuming Danny, beer in hand.]
[Elaine]
Danny, well all saw what happened earlier-
[Bouchard]
Ah, buckle it. That little [CENSORED] ruined my best suit! Hell, it’s my ONLY suit! You’re gonna pay to get this [CENSORED] thing sewn up you little [CENSORED]. If I weren’t such a nice guy I’d track her down…
[Fantasia flies into the camera shot and lands a forearm to Bouchard's neck.]
[Fantasia]
That’ll be unnecessary!
[Fantasia stomps on Danny's chest twice before the French-Canadian decks her with a lowblow. Danny gets to his feet and crunches his beer can into the back of Fantasia's head. Bouchard grabs Elaine Marks's microphone and lay several jabs into Fantasia's head and upper back. Danny picks Fantasia up by the hair and slams her face-first into a wooden door. The cameraman falls and the shot fades to black.]
[The scene goes back to Ed and Biff.]
[Biff]
Forget them and keep a camera on Godiva!
[Ed]
We must still press the night to go on folks. For our next award is for Feud of the Year and here to present it is none other than the OWA champion herself.
(Traci Lane, clad in an elegant black off-the-shoulder sequined gown strides from off-stage and walks to the podium to the applause of the audience. She takes a moment for the noise to die down, then speaks.)
[Traci]
Thank you, everyone. I’m here tonight to present the award for Feud of the Year. As everyone knows, our great sport would be nothing without feuds, for nothing else stokes the passions of athletes or the imaginations of the fans as much. The nominees for this award are…
[Video wall comes to life, and a number of attacks are shown.. before ending with the word "FUED".. voice over starts, as the video wall plays clips from each feud.]
Extremists vs. Ryker/Ryan
Mr. America vs. Virgo
Amazon Woman vs. Freddy Fever
Billy Smith vs. Davey Scott
Consuelo Salyards vs. Ed Salazar
OWA vs. LAW
[Video wall stops on the word "FUED"]
And the winner for 1997’s Feud of the Year is… Amazon Woman vs. Freddy Fever.
(Traci steps back as the Amazon Woman comes to the podium.)
[Amazon Woman]
It’s nice to be back in the spotlight.. even if only for a moment. If Freddy were here, I’m sure he’d like to thank all the fans who stood behind the both of us during this feud. Feuds take a lot out of the parties involved, and even though they give awards out for the best of them.. nothing ends a good feud like a handshake and a hug. Thank you.
[Both exit the stage as Ed and Biff walk back up to the podium.]
[Ed]
It’s good to see someone with a lot of history in the OWA like Amazon Woman come here. This show is about the past, present, and future.
[Biff]
Yeah, and a whole lot of good food and good looking women too.
[The crowd laughs. Ed looks over at Biff.]
[Biff]
I told you I’m better at impromptu than reading stuff written out for me.
[Ed]
For our next award is Best Newcomer and here is former OWA TV champion Asian Invasion to present the award.
(Asian steps up to podium wearing a The Way It Is T-shirt and jeans. He gives a few nasty looks to the fans in attendance, then begins.)
[Asian Invasion]
I’m here today not because I want to be, because they’re paying me to do it. This award is for the best newcomer of the year, but it’s not really an award, Urkel could be the top of this group. The nominees are:
[The video screen lights up as scenes from several of the newcomers are shown, before is stops on "NEWCOMER". The voice over starts, showing clips from each wrestler as they are announced.]
Godiva Rage
Loudmouth Donnie
Fantasia
Taleis
Wendy Ryker
Shiva
Danny Bouchard
[Voice over stops and "NEWCOMER" remains on the video wall.]
[Invasion]
And the winner is..
(He rips open the envelope and opens the card, then frown.}
[Invasion]
The /former/ TV Champion, God-Aw.. Godiva Rage.
[Invasion leaves the podium, leaving the award there. Godiva Rage bops up to the stage in a floor-sweeping crimson, off-the-shoulder dress. Surprisingly for Godiva it is very concealing, no deeply revealing cleavage, no backlessness. Her hair is piled up atop her head. She takes the award for best newcomer and smiles.]
[Godiva]
Me? The quickest new champion evah? You want to vote me the best newcomer to the promotion of a thousand names? Well, that’s a bit of all right, ain’t it? Wot, I didn’t know there were so many people about with any bit of sense in ‘em. Crikey, it kind a makes me wonder why I bothered to come up ‘ere so discreet like. Right? I mean like the people told me I should be presentable or some such, but I’m ‘diva Rage, eh? And you can’t teach new trash old world class now can ya?
[Godiva steps back from the microphone. She grabs her skirt and with two firm tugs splits it high up on the thigh on both sides.]
[Godiva]
(sighing contentedly) Oh yeah, that feels ruddy better it does. Newcomer of the year? Well, I guess I ‘ave to thank all the good people out there who ‘elped me make it to the top!
[Shrip, shrip and the sleeves of the dress come off for Godiva's powerful arms to show through.]
[Godiva]
Oh yeah, I’m feelin’ much more meself now! Oi, ya can’t ignore the Bri’ish Bombshell. With my victory I ‘ave ushered in a new era to this promotion, whatevah its name may be. I can’t be good and I can’t make these flowery lit’le speeches thankin’ all you wankers for your votes. After bleedin’ all, who the ‘ell else was ya gonna vote for? I mean, please.
[Godiva shakes her hair loose. She kicks her shoes into the audience.]
[Godiva]
Take that Monica Brant. You too you ruddy prude Davey Scott. Aw bleedin’ ‘ell, let’s just get it all out, wot?
[Godiva rips of her dress and tosses it aside, spinning around in her black minislip.]
[Godiva]
Well, this is a ‘ell of a lot better. You know, this is just the beginnin’ right. You know the stuff is gonna get even racier, more embarrassin’. This seems to be the year of degeneration. Well, it’s time for the degenerate Queen to shine. All y’all enjoy it while it lasts!
[Godiva winks once, blows a kiss to the audience and bounces off the stage. Ed and Biff walk back up to the podium.]
[Biff]
At least one thing tonight happened that was good.
[Ed]
Folks, I’m sorry but I’m being told we have to cut away again as Danny Bouchard and Fantasia are still at it!
[Elaine]
Danny Bouchard and Fantasia have been brawling from one side of this hotel to the other. We’ve lost the deposit, and we’re probably never going to be invited back here. I knew we should have gone for the bingo hall–
[Elaine gets shoved out of the way as the door opens and a bloody Danny Bouchard storms in. Fantasia follows, her white dress covered with Danny's blood and a room service tray in her hand. The tray doesn't stay there long as it comes crashing down on Danny's skull three times in quick order. After the third time she rests for a moment against the wall. Danny takes advantage of this and rams himself shoulder first into Fantasia's midsection. Fantasia doubles over and Bouchard looks off camera and gets a grin on his face.. He quickly grabs Fantasia by the hair and runs her face first into a glass container holding a fire extinguisher. Glass, which shattered upon impact, flies everywhere and Danny pulls Fantasia's head back, soaked now in her own blood. Danny grabs the fire extinguisher and sprays Fantasia with it turning the picture white.]
[The scene cuts back to Ed and Biff.]
[Biff]
Those two just need to take a breather and then resume the fight.
[Ed]
The night goes on. Here to present Best Heel?
[OWA Commissioner walks up to the podium]
[Commish]
Freddy Fever was scheduled to present this award, however, his physicians wouldn’t release him so he could be here tonight. So I’ll be presenting this award tonight.
The heel role in any wrestling organization is responsible for drawing heat. A really good heel can draw heat and still be respected by the fans and the other wrestlers. We’re not talking about cheap heat, we’re talking about real heat. The heat that comes from telling the truth, even if other people don’t like to hear it.
While the heel and face roles in wrestling are being blurred by so many wrestling companies, including the OWA, we feel that in the last year, we’ve had the line drawn for long enough to warrant offering this award this year. Who knows? We may not be able to present this award next year.
Therefore, your nominees for Heel of the Year are.
[Video wall comes to life, as many scenes are flashed through quickly, before settling on the words "HEEL". Voice over begins, while clips of each wrestler are shown]
Mr. America
Davey Scott
Billy Smith
Monica Brant
Asian Invasion
Danny Bouchard
[Video walls comes to a halt with the word "HEEL" on it.]
[OWA Commish]
And your winner is…
[He opens the envelope and peeks at the card, chuckling.]
Mr. America.
[An orchestrated version of "Highway to Hell" is played as Mr. America walks up to the podium. He leans against it and looks at the award.]
[America]
Best heel huh? Yeah, I pretty much figured I’d win this. Let me tell you why. I’m the one who’s able to draw the hate of people around here like it’s a second hand gift. You know it is. My blatant ego, arrogance, and attitude help give me that edge. Face it, if I wasn’t here things would be utterly boring.
[He leaves the stage]
[Ed and Biff walk back to the podium.]
[Biff]
Yeah, it’s good to know everyone hates him.
[Ed]
He does do a good job of it, but on the opposite side of the spectrum we have Anthony Hazard to give away the best face award.
["Charisma" by KISS blares out of the PA system as Anthony steps out from behind the curtain. Hazard is wearing a black suit with purple accessories, a chrome pin in the shape of TC on his lapel and he is walking with a chrome cane.]
[Hazard, scanning the crowd]
Nope. Don’t see anything I like.
[Anthony opens his jacket to reveal a black T-shirt with, in chrome lettering, the words "OWA RULES". He reaches into his inside pocket and pulls out an envelope.]
[Hazard]
I was asked to present this damn thing because I won it last freaking year. Here in this envelope are the results and winner of the Face of the Year award. But, in my personal opinion, not one of the nominees showed me any reason to give them this award. And even though I’d love to just smash it on the ground right here and now, I’m sure the league would yet again find some reason to suspend me or keep me out of the race for any title shots. Therefore…
[Anthony rips the envelope in half, pulls the two pieces of paper out and holds them together.]
[Hazard]
Oh great. This is who you pick to take my crown.
[Anthony drops the pieces of paper and walks off stage.]
[Ed walks over and picks up the card and reads] Traci Lane
(Traci grins as Rachel Ryan slaps her on the back. She stands and walks to the podium as the audience applauds.)
[Traci]
Well, here I am again! (Laughter.) I accepted an award earlier that involved being a role model, and this is part and parcel of that effort. Being one of the “good guys” — especially having started my career here on the opposite side of the fence — has been fulfilling in too many ways to completely list. It’s sometimes difficult to maintain one’s good nature and poise, as wrestling presents so many moments of emotion and tragedy, but with the help and support of the fans I’ve managed to do so. I’ve never once regretted making the decision to turn away from my previous behavior, because my former attitude was one of immaturity and selfishness. With that behind me, I’ve made personal and professional gains that far exceeded my expectations. It’s a path I believe in more strongly than ever. And as the new year rings in, expect much more of the same. Thank you.
[Traci Lane exits the stage as Biff and Ed walk back to the podium.]
[Biff]
Is it just me, or are the best heel and best face friends?
[Ed]
Yes they are.
[Biff]
Wouldn’t it make more sense for the best face and best heel to *hate* each other?
[Ed]
I suppose.
[Biff]
Then I may just have to come out of retirement and show Mr. America what is meant to happen when you are called a heel! You don’t walk around the fed, holding hands with the best face just because she has a pretty face. If I came out of retirement, he’d take a backseat to me as I showed…
[Mr. America, finally hearing Biff, stands up and spreads his arms out as if to say, "I'm right here."]
[Biff]
Yeah little boy, I would but thanks to this trick knee, that made me retire, you’re still safe so you can go hold hands with the best face!
[Mr. America sits down.]
[Ed]
You never cease to amaze me, Biff. Up next we have flash of the year to be presented by Ricky Hype.
[Biff]
Gee wiz!
[over the speaker system, the song "Mr. Speed" by KISS, plays as the spotlights converge on the right side of the stage. The music still plays but no one comes.]
[Ed]
Where?s Hype?
[again the music continues but there is no Ricky Hype.]
[Ed begins to sweat a little. There is a commotion in the upper balcony seating where the fans are. A roar from the crowd sends the spotlights high into the balcony to reveal Ricky "The SHOW" Hype standing at the edge of the guard rail with fans crowding all around]
[balcony crowd]
Ricky!… Ricky!… Ricky!…
[Ricky Hype is lit up like a Christmas tree, rays of shimmering lights reflecting off of his mirror studded tuxedo as usual]
[Ricky Hype]
Good evening everybody. An unusual place to be presenting an award from huh? This award is my favorite of them all. An interview is the only other way the fans can see their favorite heroes besides in the ring, making the ART! of FLASH! a fans award. That is why I chose to be up here tonight. That and it could also be dangerous to be on the stage depending on the winner. *big smile*
[Hype turns to the balcony fans]
[Ricky Hype]
Does everybody have a flash favorite?
[crowd yelling very loudly]
FEVER!… MR. AMERICA!… THE WAY IT IS!… FEMMES ALL THE WAY BABY!!!… YOU THE MAN RICKY!!… [CENSORED] [CENSORED] BOUCHARD!!!!….
[Ricky Hype, grinning]
Lots of choices. Who will be the winner? They will be the person or persons that use the art of flashing to their advantage, gaining an edge over the competition, creating situations they desire, and giving the fans an inside look at the OWA. All the nominees are deserving, but only one can win. Here are the nominees!
[Video wall comes to life, as many scenes are flashed through quickly, before settling on the words "FLASH". Voice over begins, while clips of each wrestler are shown]
Amazon Woman (OCW 11/10/96)
Freddy Fever (Holiday In Hell 1996)
Traci Lane (Endurance’s Evil Challenge 97) Femmes Go Shopping (OCW 4/11/97) Danny Bouchard does Hamlet {OCW 4/27/97) Mr. America (Halloween Horror 1997)
[Video walls comes to a halt with the word "FLASH" on it.]
[Ricky Hype pulls out the envelope and takes out the card]
[Ricky Hype]
And the winner of best flash is….
Danny Bouchard!
[Ed]
Umm.. Danny Bouchard is unable to accept this award at the moment.. we’ll make sure he gets it.. later.
[Ed hands the award to someone who takes it to the Commissioner.]
[Ed]
Bouchard is still at it with Fantasia from my understanding. Elaine?
[Elaine]
Yes Ed, we’re in the kitchen with a battered and bloody Fantasia. Danny Bouchard is trying to break the door down but she locked the dead-bolt when she came in.
[Danny is heard running at the door and the door comes off at the hinges. Danny Bouchard throws down the fire extinguisher he used to break in and goes on the attack. Fantasia tries a wild dropkick but Danny simply side steps her. Bouchard grabs a steel colander and dents it with Fantasia's head before tossing it, aside. Danny smirks, produces another can of beer, opens it, then turns to leave.]
[Elaine]
I think Bouchard has won this vicious brawl, Ed. If we’re lucky, maybe OWA won’t be sued for the destruction these two have caused. Fantasia is being looked after, and judging by Danny’s exit from the area, it seems he is relatively unhurt–
[We hear a high-pitched squeal comes from the direction of Danny Bouchard. The camera pans and we see the temporarily incapacitated Danny doubled over, clutching his, well, groinal area. A battered and bloody Fantasia stands on one leg over him, a meat mallet in her hand.]
[Elaine]
Oh my?!!
[Ed]
You?ve got to be kidding me..
[Biff]
Yeah, well they say the show must go on and we’ve got the best tag team up next and here to present that award are Mr. America and Taleis.
[Taleis and Mr. America both walk up to the podium. Taleis is dressed in a black suit with a purple vest, and he has an envelope in his hands. America is wearing a button-up white shirt, black pants, dress shoes, and a tie with a picture of Taleis and Mr. America which reads, "The Dynamic Duo". Taleis and America step up to the podium. Taleis lays the envelope down and begins addressing the crowd.]
[Taleis]
Well, folks, this award will be given to whatever tag team was given the most votes as being the best. Let’s have a look at the nominees…
[America]
Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Taleis, why do we need to look at the nominees for this award and why is this award even being given? I mean, let’s sit here and think about it for a minute. Reflecting on the past tag teams here in the OWA/UCP/OWA…er…well just the OWA, there wasn’t much to really brag about aside from Wendy Ryker and Rachel Ryan. Who else was there? If you think about it now, Wendy and Rachel are no more and really Taleis, we’re the only legit tag team left that’s worth a damn. We should be given the tag belts because no other team can work like us and damn it! We should have these awards, but I haven’t gotten enough of them tonight.
[Mr. America looks at Taleis with a serious look.]
[America]
Let’s just call ourselves the winners and be happy with it.
[Taleis returns the look, then nods.]
[Taleis]
Sounds good to me. Ladies and gentlemen, the tag team of the year award goes to, by default…Mr. America and Taleis!
[Taleis and America pick up the award and begin to walk off. However, they are quickly headed off by security, and the Commissioner of the OWA. The Commissioner points back up to the podium and is clearly bitching at America and Taleis. Taleis gets a disgusted look on his face and walks back up to the podium. Mr. America walks up to stand beside him, smiling slightly.]
[Taleis]
Well, I suppose we have to introduce the [Taleis coughs] real nominees now…but before we do…I just want to say something.
[Taleis looks over at the Commissioner.]
[Taleis]
…BITE ME, COMMISH!
[Taleis laughs, and the Commissioner rolls his eyes.]
[Taleis]
Ah, well…anyway, let’s get to the nominees. First up, we have the Chiefs, who consisted of Johnny Stallion, whom I kicked the crap out of, and Mike Mustang, who was turned on by his OWN partner due to the fact that Stallion was a screwup and cost his team the gold.
[America]
Yeah, I beat Mustang in nine seconds in my debut match in the OWA.
[Taleis]
NEXT!
[America]
We also have Rachel Ryan and Wendy Ryker, who are currently in negotiations to do a layout for Playboy as in “Mistress” Monica Brant. Folks, I urge you not to miss this issue either because I sure as hell won’t miss Playboy’s “The Ladies of the OWA” issue!
[The Commissioner's face turns red with anger. He walks over and covers the mic as he gives a stern warning to Mr. America. Mr. America smirks and moves the Commissioner's hand.]
[America]
People of the OWA, please give it up for the Commissioner, the man we all love to hate because he’s trying to squeeze you for every penny you have!
[The Commissioner glares at Mr. America again.]
[America]
Tal, I don’t seem to be having much success, so why don’t you give it a try.
[Taleis]
I thought you were doing pretty well. All right, the third and final nominee — the Extremists. Danny Maxx and Johnny Blades. When the OWA changed over to the UCP, the very first thing we saw was these two nimrods trashing the tag team belts…and yet, they have a 33% chance of being honored as the best tag team in the federation. [Taleis looks over at the Commissioner] Good call…[muttering] dumbass. You wanna do the honors?
[Taleis hands the envelope to Mr. America. Mr. America rips open the envelope and ends up ripping the little piece of paper in half.]
[America]
D’oh!
[The Commissioner throws his hands up in the air and walks back to his table..]
[Mr. America looks at Taleis.]
[Taleis]
Go ahead and announce the winners of this farce of a category so we can move on to something somebody cares about. [Taleis smirks.]
[America]
The winners are, the Extremists.
[As the "Extremist" by Joe Satriani plays through by the orchestra, the Extremists approach the stage. Maxx and Blades are wearing matching black and purple suits with tails. Each carries a walking cane and are escorted to the stage by two beautiful ladies.]
[Blades, taking the award in his hand]
Yep bro…this just goes to show one thing.
[Maxx, looking up from his award]
I know what your saying bro.
[Blades]
There never was and never will be anyone better then the Extremists.
[Maxx]
THATS RIGHT!!! You got that losers? We haven?t been in the league for over a half year or more and were STILL the greatest team you’ve got!
[Blades]
Make’s me almost wanna come back and kick some more ass. I mean, we never did lose OUR belts now did we.
[Maxx]
YEAH BABY!!! Course this bunch of slack jaw waste of human life probably wouldn’t even sign up against us.
[Blades, grabbing the mic]
If any of you have guts enough to take us on! We’ll be happy to come back and kick your ass!
[The Extremists high five each other and exit with their dates. Ed and Biff walk back to the podium.]
[Biff]
I can see the point that was made there.
[Ed]
The Extremists are looked upon as the best tag team in OWA history. Up to present Match of the Year.. this is “Mistress” Monica Brant.
[Monica Brant walks on stage to various cheers, whistles and an occasional boo. She is wearing, of all things, a tuxedo. It's apparently been custom made for her, since it is fairly form hugging and does have a plunging neckline. She steps up to the microphone and smiles.]
[Monica]
Over the course of a year, wrestling sees many a matchup that defies description. Of all these great matches, tonight, we will pick one to be match of the year. This event has dazzled us with the skill, determination and endurance of the competitors. It has also challenged us, as fellow wrestlers, to be that much better. And so, here are the nominees for the 1997 match of the year award…
[Video wall shows a quick barrage of different matches before the words "Match of the Year" pop up on the screen. Clips of the matches are shown as the voice over announces.]
Amazon Woman vs. Freddy Fever: The Final Battle (Casket Retirement Match) Traci Lane vs. Amazon Woman (Wheel of Torture Final 1996) Traci Lane vs. Anthony Hazard vs. Pretty Boy Monty: Ladder Match (Crime Spree) Caged Fury 1997 (Monty Wins) Amazon Woman/Stacks Coltrain vs. Hazard/Maxx/Shocker Cage Match (Holiday Hell) LAW vs. OWA: Elimination Tag Match (Behind Enemy Lines)
[Video wall completes the clips, and "Match of the Year" is worded back on it.]
[Monica]
And.. the winner is…
[She tears open the envelops and flips the card open, then grins.]
Amazon Woman vs. Freddy Fever: The Final Battle.
[The orchestra begins to play 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees as Amazon Woman makes her way up to the stage. She accepts her award from Monica and grins into the mic, as Monica turns to walk down the stage, Amazon speaks into the microphone.]
[Amazon]
Oh.. and Monica.. no hard feelings for that Jungle Mask thing.
[Monica laughs and heads back to her table with the other Femmes.]
[Amazon]
Seriously, being voted Wrestler of the Year last year meant so much to me. this year, this award means more than that. Because that match, is the match that I worked my whole life to be in. When I look back at my career and am asked what my hardest fought match was, this match will be that match without a doubt. All the title matches I’ve had are only a shade of this match. It’s unfortunate that Freddy Fever could not be here to accept this award with me, since he was the winner of that match. So.. Freddy.. wherever you are.. this one is for you!
(She blows a kiss to the camera and holds up the award before heading back down to her seat.)
[Ed]
Up next, the OWA Commissioner to present the Handler of the Year award.
[OWA Commissioner walks up to the platform and smiles.] If I may speak out of character, Handler of the Year is an award that states that a handler went out of his way for the benefit of the federation. Someone who unselfishly contributed time and energy without expecting any sort of compensation. Without people like this in our league, this league would only be a shell of what it is now. There were many nominated for this award, but only one could win. Before I announce the winner.. let me state that each and every one of you is vital to the success of this federation.
The winner for Handler of the year.. is.. Roger DeFurio.
[Ed]
Via satellite.. accepting this award, we go to Roger DeFurio..
[Video wall scene open at a university cafeteria, at a table in the corner where Roger, University of Tennessee college student, sits with his head on the table. He has on an orange sweater and waves his Orange bowl ticket in the air. He momentarily raises his head, gives a thumbs up, and passes back out.]
[Ed]
Anyhow, that leaves one more category. Here to present Best Wrestler is Amazon Woman.
[The orchestra attempts to play "Welcome to the Jungle" as Amazon Woman makes her way to the stage. She smiles before speaking.]
[Amazon]
I’m here to present the award for Wrestler of the Year. In our business, this is the top award a person can receive in their lifetime. Last year, I was lucky enough to win it along with Rachel Ryan. This award signifies that our peers thought our performance over the last 12 months was better than anyone else in the league. It’s with great honor that I am allowed to present this award tonight. Your nominees are:
[Faces flash one by one on the video wall before stopping abruptly at the words "Wrestler of the Year". Voice over begins to announce names as their faces pop up on the video wall]
Traci Lane
Mr. America
Consuelo Salyards
Freddy Fever
Executioner
Gustaffson
[Video wall stops on the words "Wrestler of the Year"]
[Amazon Woman opens the envelope and removes the card, then smiles before announcing..]
And your winner is… Traci Lane.
(Traci walks to the mic, a shocked expression on her face, as she’s handed the award. She pauses as the applause continues, taking a moment to gain her bearings. Finally, the crowd noise dies down, and she speaks.)
[Traci]
Oh my goodness…I’m not lying when I say I didn’t expect to win this. That’s not meant as false humility. So many of the wrestlers eligible for this were equally deserving…(Her eyes water a bit as she regards the award once more.) I don’t care what anyone says, this kind of honor is only possible through the support and encouragement of friends, and I have the best friends in the world in the Femme Fatales. Mariko with her quiet wisdom…Consuelo, who brings passion to everything she does…Monica, who despite what everyone thinks has always been near to my heart…Gus, whose faith and support in us has been a rock in unsteady waters…Alex, whom you know as Mr. America, whose unrelenting self-confidence in himself an others is so addictive…and Rachel, my best friend and closest confidante, who has been there for me through the good times as well as the bad. There are so many others I could list, but I’m not thinking too clearly right now, so if I leave you out, please accept my apologies. This is simply the greatest achievement of my career. I can’t think of much else to say except to thank everyone that’s stood behind me through this time, and between my old friends and my new ones, there’s no goal we can’t reach. Thank you.
[Traci Lane leaves the stage as Ed and Biff walk back to the podium.]
[Ed]
You can give all the OWA Superstars a hand as tomorrow they will take off their dresses and tuxedos and pull on their tights and trunks and go into battle live on PPV. “Deck The Halls” has promised to be an exciting adventure and we don?t want anyone to miss it.
[Biff]
Any word on Fantasia and Bouchard?
[Ed]
Let?s go and find out.
[Elaine]
This whole night has been insane, Ed, but this takes the cake. About two minutes ago Fantasia and Danny Bouchard stormed into the pool area and have been fighting all around us. I think they may have both lost it tonight, although having interviewed Danny, I can attest that it may not have all been there in the first place.
[Ed]
Where are they now?
[Elaine]
I’m not sure the last we saw then they had headed over to the video-
[An old Ms. Pac Man video game crashes to the floor with Danny Bouchard's body on top of it. Fantasia grabs the cord from the game and tries to choke Danny with it, but he slips out and sends her crashing into the broken video game. He grabs Fantasia's arm and drags her over to the pool. Danny Bouchard presses Fantasia over his head and tosses her into the pool. Fantasia screams in agony.]
[Elaine]
You all know what chlorine does to cuts! That’s gotta hurt!
[Danny does a cannonball right onto Fantasia. The two wrestlers try in vain to drown one-another in the pristine blue water of the hotel pool. After a few moments Bouchard climbs out of the pool with Fantasia, soaking wet in her blood-stained white dress, following closely.]
[Elaine]
Oh dear! Maybe it’s a good thing that dress got so bloody…
[The censors try and block out what's visible, but they're so busy trying to filter out Danny's language, the black bars don't do a lot of good. Lonely wrestling fans everywhere start making vidcaps. Bouchard goes out a side door and Fantasia jumps on his back, trying with all her might to choke out the Frenchman. Danny slams himself back-first into the brick wall, sprawling Fantasia to the grass.]
[Elaine]
First blood, now grass. that dress will never be white again!
[Danny looks down at Fantasia and then over to the parking lot, unsure what to do. Suddenly police sirens can be heard in the distance.]
[Bouchard & Fantasia]
[CENSORED]…
[Elaine]
I think it’s safe to say that we haven’t seen the last of this battle.
[Fantasia and Bouchard take off in opposite directions as the scene fades to a cheap Deck The Halls plug, then fades out.]
